Brad Pitt Sells You His Doppelganger’s Home
My body double lived next door to me,
in a house I built for him that looks nearly identical
to mine, except that it has blue eaves instead of green.
I sent him to the grocery store the other day and he
came back with a girlfriend and a winning lottery ticket
which he insisted on keeping.
He was useful once, when I needed him for a scene in
a movie, full frontal as they say, and occasionally for
dental appointments.
But one day Angelina commented that he was more helpful
around the house — sure, I had him do my chores on occasion —
and my dentist noticed that he still had his
wisdom teeth, and things just weren’t working out.
So now I have a house with blue eaves and no tenant.
You know, you do look a lot like he did, which is good because
I could use someone to eat my broccoli for me,
and I can recommend a good plastic surgeon.
I should tell you, though, that the garden in the back won’t need
fertilizer for some time, and that you won’t get to
sleep with Angelina even if you want to.
This is one creepy poem.
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